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Overcome my life obstacle

Its been 3 week after my heart surgery. I've been quite about this, Only few people know the journey since early this year ( my husband, parents, and my boss /as aproval for my leave absent lol ).

And few days before surgery, I only shared to few people that really closed to me.

Why I've so discreet about this...?

1. To accept the condition, to really know whats going on with my health and life, is on going process until now. Hence the emotional imbalance make me unprepared to answer all question that all people will aim to me.

2. Some people tried to ease my burden with "No need to worry maybe its only your feeling", or "Naaahhh you just need to exercise more" or "Don't stress" or "Just quite your job, and stay at home, You feel better".
I often mixed feeling with all those statement. I don't know if I should feel grateful that friends/family cheering me up to stay positive so all the problem can suddenly gone (its more towards …
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Procrastination

Not only I often procrastinate to do work related things or home work stuff. I also tend to procrastinate to splurge or to buy some stuff that I need. My 6 years old vacuum cleaner decided to die, 3 months ago. So for clean the floor, left me with my traditional broom. Hate it.. Really hate it..

I really hate when the dust flying around, when I sweep the floor. Also its so tedious job, time consuming, impractical and not totally clean. Yeah maybe its the way I sweep the floor that far from correct. But still hate hate hate. I really missed the time that my vacuum just suck all the dusk, instead fall over places. 

And the budget is there, but I still think with no conclusion, which vacuum need to buy.

Is it the cordless one..




or the Robot , this awesome tiny little creature..

Whats now

Perfection??


Bit surprise for myself, when I heard people said this to me "Don't be such a perfect person.."
Dang..


It hit me as, I portray myself as faaaaaaaar beyond perfection. You might need to see inside of me. But I took that as a compliment.

In my early 20 years, I tend to chase a happy life. I don't actually accept other emotion beside sad/ disappointment /anxiety etc. What in my mind is we strive to be happy. Happy is the only goal, and beside that is not a norm.

As a time goes by, that took me to ignore my other part of mine. There been aggressive and ambitious to achieve any thing that I define as accomplishment of happiness. Naaah nor expensive thing, XX amount of salary, buy this and that make me happy... To be precise, I not content with my life. The pray from my mouth was only list of  word, The pray is my form for my gratitude.

Still that not sufficient without we acknowledge the whole aspect. I need to truthfully accept all condition that comes withi…

Reminder to be kind, always

Untuk orang yang dalam medical condition, yang masih dalam pantauan / inspeksi medis dari dokter.
Sekiranya batasi diri kita untuk komentar yang kurang penting (seperti di bawah ini):
1. "Makanya, makan tuh yang sehat"
2. "Olah raga dong, pasti ga pernah olah raga"
3. "Banyakkin doa dan beramal, kebanyakan dosa sih" / "Ini pasti dari dosa keluarganya, makanya gini. Karma nih."
4."Karena kerjaan ya, stress ya. Dah resign aja, rejeki ga kemana" (lah terus bayar bill Rumah Sakit nya gimana ya...). "Istri itu emang ga boleh kerja, nah kan makanya sakit"
5. "Udah, pengobatan alternatif aja. Obat itu kimia, ga bagus untuk badan"
6. "Penyakitan, nular yahhh"
7. "Gua harus gimana, biar ga dapet penyakit kaya gitu?"
8. "Banyak minum aer putih gih"

Tidak di pungkiri, mereka (mungkin) ada niatan baik. Tapi di lihat dari sudut pandang yang sakit.
Its too judgmental.
Tiba tiba semua orang jadi lebih …

Its late, but at least I tried. My small step

Buat gua, baca blog orang itu dah jadi kaya self healing untuk gua.. Dengan banyak baca buah pikiran orang itu bener bener memperkaya gua dari banyak sudut pandang. I'm truly grateful that a lot of amazing people still write, and allow me to read their blog.

Salah satu penulis blog yang saya ikuti, terus encourage semua pembaca untuk mao coba nulis, apa pun itu. Dan untuk terus nulis, untuk mengasah kemampuan kita untuk berkomunikasi, memproses data, tahapan pemaparan informasi dan pemahaman akan informasi.

So, let me try...

Tahun 2017 menurupakan tahun dengan segala gejolak. Mulai dari urus keluarga-kerjaan, semua masalah keluarga, jauh dengan orang tua, komunikasi, kerjaan, deadline. Jugling dengan semua hal tersebut, membuat saya hilang fokus dan energi. Penyelesaian yang tidak efektif berimbas kurang baik akan diri saya.
I tend to lose word to represent me, I don't know how to defend myself. In the end I just quite, tired-overwhelmed of everything and tried to find my inne…

Frozen after effect..

Belakangan ini berasa suntuk mumet. Somehow sempet mempertanyakan, apakah dunia ini masih ada orang baik, dimana kah rasa simpatik/toleransi/kasih antar sesama manusia...
Kok belakangan hidup yang gua liat berasa Game of Throne banget..

..
pulang rumah udah capek
Anak udah 3 hari ga sekolah, karena demam. Giliran Bapak nya yang jaga karena dia bisa jagain.

(buka pintu gembok).. Karena aga berisik, Suami tau dan buka pintu menyambut gua pulang.
Sedikit emo (read: lagi emo banget) masuk rumah sambil nanges... cup cup cup.. akhir nya grup hug sama gerombolan teletubies (papa nya sama si anak).

Beres mandi, makan.. liat liat si Suami lagi asik maen HP + pake earphone. Penasaran streaming apaan sih. Oalaa.. ternyata streaming lagu nya FROZEN dong ya... sambil nyanyi nyanyi.. katanya dia suka lagunya.. Dih.. om om baru cukur brewok sambil nyanyi nyanyi "Love is an open dooooooorrrr, with you with you"... geli banget dah..(Suami dah ke brainwash ama si anak selama 3 hari ngurus ana…
Lapor lapor ... update-an dari to do...

- marah marah ??.. ga sabaran ?? masih teuteup.. belum ada pengurangan yang cukup signifikan.. (haiz..)
- untuk buang/share/dermakan ... - ini lumayan lah.. dah berhasil bongkar 1/5 nya rumah.. alias.. baju baju gua.. si bapake.. si anake.. berhasil membuahkan 6 kantong gede untuk di dermakan... lemari lebih rapih, dan ga overloaded. terus buang majalah bekas 1 dus.. ogut deh berenti beli majalah sejak 4 taun yang lalu.. kenapa berenti..? somehow liat pinterest/ig/youtube/etc dah more than enough looh.. akankah majalah cuma jadi sejarah kedepannya (say hellow to cassette dan diskette)

Dapur belum di bongkar nii.. masih banyak yang hrs di bersihin, lap lap dan lain lain.. (tenggak red bull, semoga kuaatttt )

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Rencana pengen beli ayam kampung fresh yang bener bener idup dan di potong langsung gitu (kaya waktu di pasar Indo). Ngobrol ngobrol sama Grab driver kemaren sih harus bangun pagi (5/6am) trus ke pasar Pudu/ pasar Klang Lama.. oohhhh…

To do..?

Belakangan ini lagi seneng (ketagihan) sama yang namanya pinterest... Di categori family, education dll. Soalnya biasalah.. untuk mengisi kekurangan hidup hahaha.. berasa harus banyak banget belajar soal family, terutama untuk si minion kecil.

Beberapa postingan tentang Mom to do list, Mom must do, List of affirmative word for mom dll. Instead of following template from pinterest.. I'm planning to do my own list. Gremet gremet mikir.. apa aja ya..

OK for this week:
- lebih sabar... kalo mo marah.. itung sampe 10. ato kita delegate aja ke bapake.. (MUAHAHHA)
- when handle tantrum minion, need to prepare my own heart. Kalo masih ada gejala marah, mending diemin dulu dah.. biar ga kepancing u tantrum jugaaa
- need to be more creative in reasoning. No its not default answered (I'll try) .
- enroll minion on piano/ballet class..
- start spring cleaning (jual, kasih, ato buang) semua yang ga perlu.... Its been delayed since Nabi Nuh masih abg.



smangats!!

Nowdays,...

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GARY (FEAT. GAEKO) – LONELY NIGHT (또 하루)
English translation
On this lonely night, all alone
On this night that made everything feel heavier
I love you I need you
You, I need you
On this drunken night, all alone
On this night that made me miss everything
I love you I need you
You, I need you The 80% of morning finds me once again
I don’t feel refreshed but another day is starting
It’s just a copy of yesterday
I hum along to the newest songs playing from my earphones
Dreaming about being the best in this city
With my whole body, I feel it all, even the bad energy
I’m a Korean, trained by all the pressure I got since I was young
There’s so much more unhappiness if you don’t have money
Those on top push you down
Those on the bottom fight their way up
Wherever you go
If they tell you to do it, then do it
If you don’t wanna, then don’t
Is this all about being social?
I don’t know, I don’t do things I don’t like
There’s nothing to be afraid of
Everything’s the same, it’s …

My super power (I wish)

Lagi bengong di LRT terus kepikiran kalo semisal punya kekuatan super, kayannya awesome banget. Nah gw tuh kepikir kalo gw pengen punya kekuatan super untuk:

(1) Mindahin rasa mules (big business/small business) ke orang laen.
Big business/small business ini dah tau kan apaan.. kaga usah di jelasin lagi lah ya... Jadinya kenapa bisa kepikiran sampe kesini tu, karena dah beberapa kali gw kejebak macet pas mo pergi kantor ato lagi di lrt desek-desekan, trus mulesssss... benci benci benci.. kalo di LRT masih mending.. ada beberapa statiun lrt yang punya wc lumayan bersih (dah di uji.. saking seringnya dan banyak nya 'bisnis' saya). Apes itu kalo lagi di mobil macet, keringet dingin deh. Bener bener mind games banget antara, masih kuat ga untuk nahan mules atau harus stop di pombensin (Toilet pom bensin horor boook).
Nah kayanya seru aja kalo lagi mules mules galau gitu.. dan ga ada toilet yang memungkinkan, gw punya kekuatan untuk mindahin mules ini. Tinggal tatap mata si korban.…