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It will be painful, but its okay. It will be happy but its temporary.

If normal human average human age can live is 70 years, it means I almost past my half journey of my life. In some phase of life, purpose / goal of life is important. At most of times, I tried to pursue happiness even I still trying to imagine the shape of happiness itself. This years my mindset seems see different side of life. As happiness is no longer a important. What I believe now either happiness or sadness or exciting or grave and anything is temporary. I am trying to cherish it with keep on walking on every season of my life. Some part of my life I able to walk with all people who loved me and in other part of my life I still need to able to support my self by walking step by step even though its hard. In the bright sunny day, do enjoy all the warmth and seized the day. This warmth will no last forever, enjoy while it last. Be nice to all people around us. Let the warmth be contagious. Raining days blessed me with the wise though that come in to my mind, let me to meditate
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Hi strangers... I hope all OK for you

Time flies so fast, last year my heart surgery. And its 6 month already. So last week I need to visit my doctor, for my follow up/ routine check with him. As always, its only me, alone, waiting in my turn. The emotion was tense, but as always I tried to despise that with work stuff/ play with my phone. Until... There was this family, Parents with fine young boy. I assume he is in his prime time. Young, collage age, healthy, fun. Initially I never put much attention with this family. Maybe they just come along to company his dad to do check up with the doctor. Because most of the time Cardiologist Clinic full of senior people. So when I sat down in the waiting area, people often stared at me (maybe) wondering what happen to me. After they finished appointment with the doctor, and waiting the administration. The father seriously discussed with the boy. Then the mother sat beside him and starting to cry.. cry... and cry... I tried to find any tissue in my bag.. Initially I want
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Overcome my life obstacle

Its been 3 week after my heart surgery. I've been quite about this, Only few people know the journey since early this year ( my husband, parents, and my boss /as aproval for my leave absent lol ). And few days before surgery, I only shared to few people that really closed to me. Why I've so discreet about this...? 1. To accept the condition, to really know whats going on with my health and life, is on going process until now. Hence the emotional imbalance make me unprepared to answer all question that all people will aim to me. 2. Some people tried to ease my burden with "No need to worry maybe its only your feeling", or "Naaahhh you just need to exercise more" or "Don't stress" or "Just quite your job, and stay at home, You feel better". I often mixed feeling with all those statement. I don't know if I should feel grateful that friends/family cheering me up to stay positive so all the problem can suddenly gone (its more
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Procrastination

Not only I often procrastinate to do work related things or home work stuff. I also tend to procrastinate to splurge or to buy some stuff that I need. My 6 years old vacuum cleaner decided to die, 3 months ago. So for clean the floor, left me with my traditional broom. Hate it.. Really hate it.. I really hate when the dust flying around, when I sweep the floor. Also its so tedious job, time consuming, impractical and not totally clean. Yeah maybe its the way I sweep the floor that far from correct. But still hate hate hate. I really missed the time that my vacuum just suck all the dusk, instead fall over places.  And the budget is there, but I still think with no conclusion, which vacuum need to buy. Is it the cordless one.. or the Robot , this awesome tiny little creature.. This cordless vacuum is multi function, as can vacuum car also. But still the Robot vacuum will clean the house while you scroll down your IG timeline...... Can you guys buy me both vacuum...
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Whats now

Perfection?? Bit surprise for myself, when I heard people said this to me "Don't be such a perfect person.." Dang.. It hit me as, I portray myself as faaaaaaaar beyond perfection. You might need to see inside of me. But I took that as a compliment. In my early 20 years, I tend to chase a happy life. I don't actually accept other emotion beside sad/ disappointment /anxiety etc. What in my mind is we strive to be happy. Happy is the only goal, and beside that is not a norm. As a time goes by, that took me to ignore my other part of mine. There been aggressive and ambitious to achieve any thing that I define as accomplishment of happiness. Naaah nor expensive thing, XX amount of salary, buy this and that make me happy... To be precise, I not content with my life. The pray from my mouth was only list of  word, The pray is my form for my gratitude. Still that not sufficient without we acknowledge the whole aspect. I need to truthfully accept all condition that
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Reminder to be kind, always

Untuk orang yang dalam medical condition , yang masih dalam pantauan / inspeksi medis dari dokter. Sekiranya batasi diri kita untuk komentar yang kurang penting (seperti di bawah ini): 1. "Makanya, makan tuh yang sehat" 2. "Olah raga dong, pasti ga pernah olah raga" 3. "Banyakkin doa dan beramal, kebanyakan dosa sih" / "Ini pasti dari dosa keluarganya, makanya gini. Karma nih." 4."Karena kerjaan ya, stress ya. Dah resign aja, rejeki ga kemana" (lah terus bayar bill Rumah Sakit nya gimana ya...). "Istri itu emang ga boleh kerja, nah kan makanya sakit" 5. "Udah, pengobatan alternatif aja. Obat itu kimia, ga bagus untuk badan" 6. "Penyakitan, nular yahhh" 7. "Gua harus gimana, biar ga dapet penyakit kaya gitu?" 8. "Banyak minum aer putih gih" Tidak di pungkiri, mereka (mungkin) ada niatan baik. Tapi di lihat dari sudut pandang yang sakit. Its too judgmental . Tiba tiba semua or
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Its late, but at least I tried. My small step

Buat gua, baca blog orang itu dah jadi kaya self healing untuk gua.. Dengan banyak baca buah pikiran orang itu bener bener memperkaya gua dari banyak sudut pandang. I'm truly grateful that a lot of amazing people still write, and allow me to read their blog. Salah satu penulis blog yang saya ikuti, terus encourage semua pembaca untuk mao coba nulis, apa pun itu. Dan untuk terus nulis, untuk mengasah kemampuan kita untuk berkomunikasi, memproses data, tahapan pemaparan informasi dan pemahaman akan informasi. So, let me try... Tahun 2017 menurupakan tahun dengan segala gejolak. Mulai dari urus keluarga-kerjaan, semua masalah keluarga, jauh dengan orang tua, komunikasi, kerjaan, deadline. Jugling dengan semua hal tersebut, membuat saya hilang fokus dan energi. Penyelesaian yang tidak efektif berimbas kurang baik akan diri saya. I tend to lose word to represent me, I don't know how to defend myself. In the end I just quite, tired-overwhelmed of everything and tried to find m
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Frozen after effect..

Belakangan ini berasa suntuk mumet. Somehow sempet mempertanyakan, apakah dunia ini masih ada orang baik, dimana kah rasa simpatik/toleransi/kasih antar sesama manusia... Kok belakangan hidup yang gua liat berasa Game of Throne banget.. .. pulang rumah udah capek Anak udah 3 hari ga sekolah, karena demam. Giliran Bapak nya yang jaga karena dia bisa jagain. (buka pintu gembok).. Karena aga berisik, Suami tau dan buka pintu menyambut gua pulang. Sedikit emo (read: lagi emo banget) masuk rumah sambil nanges... cup cup cup.. akhir nya grup hug sama gerombolan teletubies (papa nya sama si anak). Beres mandi, makan.. liat liat si Suami lagi asik maen HP + pake earphone. Penasaran streaming apaan sih. Oalaa.. ternyata streaming lagu nya FROZEN dong ya... sambil nyanyi nyanyi.. katanya dia suka lagunya.. Dih.. om om baru cukur brewok sambil nyanyi nyanyi "Love is an open dooooooorrrr, with you with you"... geli banget dah..(Suami dah ke brainwash ama si anak selama 3 hari n
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Lapor lapor ... update-an dari to do... - marah marah ??.. ga sabaran ?? masih teuteup.. belum ada pengurangan yang cukup signifikan.. (haiz..) - untuk buang/share/dermakan ... - ini lumayan lah.. dah berhasil bongkar 1/5 nya rumah.. alias.. baju baju gua.. si bapake.. si anake.. berhasil membuahkan 6 kantong gede untuk di dermakan... lemari lebih rapih, dan ga overloaded. terus buang majalah bekas 1 dus.. ogut deh berenti beli majalah sejak 4 taun yang lalu.. kenapa berenti..? somehow liat pinterest/ig/youtube/etc dah more than enough looh.. akankah majalah cuma jadi sejarah kedepannya (say hellow to cassette dan diskette) Dapur belum di bongkar nii.. masih banyak yang hrs di bersihin, lap lap dan lain lain.. (tenggak red bull, semoga kuaatttt ) . . . . Rencana pengen beli ayam kampung fresh yang bener bener idup dan di potong langsung gitu (kaya waktu di pasar Indo). Ngobrol ngobrol sama Grab driver kemaren sih harus bangun pagi (5/6am) trus ke pasar Pudu/ pasar Klang Lam
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To do..?

Belakangan ini lagi seneng (ketagihan) sama yang namanya pinterest... Di categori family, education dll. Soalnya biasalah.. untuk mengisi kekurangan hidup hahaha.. berasa harus banyak banget belajar soal family, terutama untuk si minion kecil. Beberapa postingan tentang Mom to do list, Mom must do, List of affirmative word for mom dll. Instead of following template from pinterest.. I'm planning to do my own list. Gremet gremet mikir.. apa aja ya.. OK for this week: - lebih sabar... kalo mo marah.. itung sampe 10. ato kita delegate aja ke bapake.. (MUAHAHHA) - when handle tantrum minion, need to prepare my own heart. Kalo masih ada gejala marah, mending diemin dulu dah.. biar ga kepancing u tantrum jugaaa - need to be more creative in reasoning. No its not default answered (I'll try) . - enroll minion on piano/ballet class.. - start spring cleaning (jual, kasih, ato buang) semua yang ga perlu.... Its been delayed since Nabi Nuh masih abg. smangats!!
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